even before I let go of you when we hugged just now , I was already feeling disturbed since last night. the fact that you re going to work later, the fact that you will be seeing some people. I can frankly say I dont really feel good about it, but i know I have to learn to let go, I have to be stretched.

yet sometimes, when I see you feeling so bored together with me, when you asked me what can we do yet im feeling so helpless that I could not ease your boredom, I feel like shit.

I tried to contact people that I can think of , but right at the same time they are not free if not I can sense that they are not so interested to meet. these are times that I asked myself, is my existence causing you to feel all these?

I cannot forgot word for word that you typed in the bbm that time, I can remember word for word what you wrote in your blog. when I asked you that time whether is it the fact that we hang out everyday causes us to be like that, you said no.

In all these, I can only think of the times when I feel secure, and just keep quiet about how I feel..

My Dear.

I'm SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO SORRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! seriously I feel like slamming my head against the wall! how could our 9th anniversary have slipped out of my mind! that explains why you looked so sad just now! Im really so sorry dear. I didn't mean to. I know I always say I dont mean this and that, but arghh.

I have told you, not that I dont want to stay with you dear, its just that I feel that I have been spending very little time with my mum/dad/sisters. today was my mum's off day. she was so glad to see me came home, even just for that short while! it was really a pity I had to work. at that moment I didnt feel like going to work! My mumasked whether I want to have dinner, she even offered to keep food for me, which sad to say, I cant stay for it.

There are times when my mum occasionally spurt things out of her mouth, which I understand she trying to say I'm not spending enough time with her. not to say, I have never talked to my dad for dont know how many days. Im sorry dear, Im trying to balance my life between my family, you, my commitments and work and studies and all. Its not easy but dear Im sure you know I gave you bulk of my time, I spent the most time with you.

I really didnt know how to put things across to you face to face, afraid that you will be upset again. but I hope you know it really sucks when I see you sad. you know at that moment when I saw you wrote on your blog that you are disappointed. and its alright since its not the first time. you know how heart broken I am?!!€!?! I REALLY AM!!

Dear can I make it up to you by going for a meal together next week ? after our exams ? Im really sorry dear! its my bad.